I did not write this. I’m not entirely sure who did, and there are different version of it all over the internet, but I like this one.

“I understand how scissors can beat paper, and I understand why a rock can beat scissors, but there’s no F-ing way paper can beat a rock! Is paper supposed to magically wrap around rock and leave it immobile? Why in the world can’t paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can’t paper do this to people? Why aren’t sheets of college-ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they take notes in class? I’ll tell you why, because paper can’t beat a rock. A rock would tear that up in 2 seconds. When I play rock, paper, scissors I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, oh, I’m sorry, I thought the paper would protect you, you ass!”